Friday, July 28, 2006

Remembering the past...

makes me excited about the future. The last two days I have been working on my filing system up at work for two reasons. One, I needed to purge the last parts of my current stuff and move toward a filing system that better supports my sermons & church planting ideas, and two, I'm in the process of moving over to HCBC Pflugerville full time. During this effort, I came across many letters, notes, and personal reflections on my last 7 years of ministry. I read an entire journal from my first summer in ministry (on a youth revival team) that one of my team members wrote that I hadn't read in years. I looked over notes from awesome youth events we had in Ovilla that God used to shape students' lives. I scanned letters from students and parents about how God was working through our youth ministry. And I was suddenly overwhelmed by the awe of being used by God for His purposes. Remembering what God has done in my past gets me very excited about what He has planned for the future. I can't wait to see how God uses this next adventure to grow my faith, transform my life, and bring others to Himself. As you look back over what God has done in your past & see His sovereign hand at work, what gets you excited about your future?


Marni said...

I could write a book about what gets me excited about my future. That concept, being excited about my future, seems to be at the forefront of my thoughts constantly these days.

When Courtney went Home, I spent many months "freefalling" for a lack of better term. My faith wasn't shaken, I wasn't angry with God, I just felt direction-less suddenly. Dane and I poured so much of ourselves in Courtney and praying for her, ministering to her and her family and trusting God's will for her cancer. When she died, I had this huge void. Not just the void of her being gone, but the void of "where do I take all this love, prayer, faith, etc and put it now? Will God ever use me again and will my heart be fully committed again as it was with her?"

The first several months, I was numb and overwhelmed and just trying to get through. God knew how broken I was and held me tight during those dark, dark days. Gradually I could feel Him start to put the pieces of my heart back together. Britney said it so beautifully to me recently. She said when man breaks something and glues it back together, it may look good, but it's never the same. Flaws are there regardless how good the restoration is. But when God puts a broken heart together, He makes it less flawed and stronger than it was before. The last couple of months have been a stellar example of God's gracious healing. Slowly but deliberately, God is fixing my battered and shattered heart. And I can tell my heart is being restored to a less flawed and stronger state than it was before.
I miss Court everyday, and I always will...but I am starting to see my grief as a gift. As strange as that sounds, letting God heal this pain and clinging to Him as I await the restoration that I know is coming, I know He's preparing me for something.

So why am I excited? Because my Lord loves me!!! I never understood His love as clearly as I do now that I see how lovingly He redeems me when I'm at my lowest. I can't wait to see how He'll use me with the lessons I've learned from this unexpected, humbling, yet blessed gift.

We continue to pray for your ministry and for Barie and baby Kale. Big hugs to all of you.



Keith Ferguson said...

Thanks for sharing so openly. God is truly doing some great things in your life and your family. I look forward to seeing how He continues to use you in the future.